Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
