I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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