matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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