I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
