There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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