apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
