he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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