Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she pinky promised me she was 18
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
