I cannot find my penis.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
