i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
