i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
