I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
