happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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