the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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