two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I looked at my own cervix.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
