apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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