I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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