Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
