yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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