just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
