Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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