don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
