i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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