There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
