If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
