Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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