this beer tastes like vomit already
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
