I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
