i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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