My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
