I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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