we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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