There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
