your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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