I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
