i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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