she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
