Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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