Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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