Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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