Everything about him screamed your future.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
