I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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