In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
