yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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