I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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