i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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