You can't motorboat a personality
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
