did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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