so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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