Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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