none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
