If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
