Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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