In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
