All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We left the knife in your bed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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