I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
