He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
