She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
