Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
