My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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